Wednesday, October 23, 2013

me as a working mom - part 1

Is the grass greener on the other side?

For the past few days this "saying" has been #1 in my thoughts. It stems from the fact that I am a full time working mom, (have been since my son was born, besides the first 3 months) and last week (even though I was sick) I was basically a stay at home mom for 5 whole days.

Me as a working mom:

Growing up I couldn't wait to have kids. I always thought I would have kids at a fairly young age, but life doesn't happen the way you think it will... and instead my younger brother started having kids before me. Becoming an aunt was the best thing in the world, I loved those kids so much and spoiled them to death. But after a day or a weekend with them, I was happy to be alone and continue on with my week at work.

Work was priority to me compared to everything and at some point I just decided that kids would happen when the time was right, heck, I never even thought I would get married, so kids were far away in my mind. I eventually did get married in 2007 and in 2009 we had our babe. Work was still super important, so important that there was no doubt, ever, that I would continue as soon as my paid leave was up.  We were very lucky that my husband would be able to stay home to raise our son.

Over the past 13 years I have worked my butt off, at the same company, to get to where I am today. But the thing is, I'm not exactly where I want to be. I have had SO many ups and downs throughout the years that I'm amazed I'm even still there. There have literally been moments that I want to scream... no words at all... just a scream, or walk out the door and never look back, or cry. Of course crying is the less dramatic of the 3 and so I have shed many tears. Work has given me so much more stress than any job should give a person (in my personal opinion). And then there are other times when everyone is so appreciative, or there are new people for me to find and mentor, or new big, exciting projects to work on. Work constantly has me thinking about every second of every day... I hope I get up on time. how bad will traffic be. deadlines. meetings to set up. work to pass on. emails to address. stuff to print/pdf/send out. will I get home before dark? what will be for dinner? will I have time to exercise? play with babe? read babe a story? watch a show on my DVR? take a shower? (yes, I question that. the answer always ends up being yes though, duh!) relax? and then it starts all over again, exactly In that same order.

That is my life in a nutshell. Every day is the same. Every day I am away from home for almost 12 hours. Every day, every second, I am constantly over thinking every action.

In part 2 I will write about "Me as a stay at home mom", it was brief, but eye opening.

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